What the heck is love? It seems to be different for all of us. Wars have been fought over it and empires lost because of it. For me it was much different at 21 than it was at 40. Most everything I thought love was at 16 was much different at 26 and so on. People love each other for different, sometimes inexplicable reasons. Sometimes for all the wrong reasons.
At 42, single and never married, my parameters for a possible mate are night and day from what they were 20 years ago. Did I in my wildest dreams think I'd be single at 42? In a word, NO. I could have certainly married the wrong person, more than once. That's easy. I've seen my friends do it over and over again. Nope, I'm resound to the fact that marriage is in God's time not my time. This approach takes a great deal of the pressure off and really keeps me from wondering if my singleness is definite.
I would have to say that I enjoyed love much more at 40 than I did at 21. Why is that you might ask? Well, first of all I was a train wreck at 21. I wasn't even close to being ready to settle down then, much less in the financial position to take care of a wife. Heck, I'd a screwed up a one car funeral at 21! My concept of love was all out of whack too. Physical appearance often took precedence over personality, unless cup size was considered personality! I was self centered and it was all about me, and then some!
Don't get me wrong, love isn't necessarily easier at 40. It's tough at any age, and it never gets any easier along the way. The older we get the more baggage we sometimes accumulate and this in itself can rip a relationship to shreds. Being hurt never gets easier to deal with either. If it does I'd suggest you spend some time with a good counselor. It can get real old pulling around a steamer trunk full of baggage. It's very tiresome too! None of us are so perfect we couldn't use a little therapy from time to time. A little brain overhaul is sometimes just what the body needs. You see, I learned a long time ago that if my heart isn't emotionally available, the most amazing woman in the world could set down right in front of me and she'd look no different than any other woman. That's a bad place to be.
It's no secret to my close friends that I come from a very dysfunctional family. We fooled a lot of people for a lot of years, but sooner or later it all fell apart. That's just life, unless your willing to do what it takes to break that cycle. That's when one decides to get real and feel your feelings. For many men this can be the hardest thing they ever attempt to do. It's a real gut check. Many of the most financially successful men I know have yet to learn how to feel their feelings and be emotionally available for their wives. I'm here to tell you guys, there is nothing wrong with a man having a tender heart. You are not less of a man, or somehow weak. Don't get me wrong, it's not always easy being a masculine man and having a tender heart. It requires knowing your inner self, inner child, and not having fear when it comes to letting a woman know who you are. You can only mask who you are for so long. Your only long term choice in having a successful love relationship is to keep it real. She will find out who the real you is sooner or later.
The Christian Bible says some really good things about love. Over the years those words have become much more of a barometer in my love life. The Bible says that a man and a woman are better together. For me that says that a whole is better than a half. Two halves make a whole. We are better together. The Bible also says love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, is not proud. It is not rude, and not easily angered. And one of the most important things for me is that love keeps no record of wrongs. Love always protects, always trusts, hopes, and perseveres. Love never fails. In short, Love is a lot to live up to.
We've all had friends that have been in love like 47 times. The wind blows a certain way and they're in love. That's not love. I think this boils down to liking the concept of love, and having to have it, but never really knowing what it is. For some people it's due to issues not dealt with in ones life. Love becomes a way to postpone the locked up pain a person is inevitably going to have to deal with one day, one way or another. This type of pattern only serves as a way to avoid dealing with unresolved issues in your own heart. Sadly, the pain will force you to deal with these issues sooner or later. Money and fame are two other factors that can help you put it on the back burner for many years, but one day you will wake up and wonder just how much you've missed out on, realize how much of life you've let pass you by.
I'm far from having all the answers, but I love to get philosophical about love. Because when it's right, for all the right reasons, and all the stars are in alignment, there is nothing better than love. It brings a type of joy to my life that is more special than I can imagine. And for some of us that were robbed of our joy during much of our childhood, it's all the more special.
Myself, I've only been in love a handful of times. The last time was several years ago. I thought without question she was the one. Sadly, I think timing and circumstance were less than perfect and put us quite a bit behind the eight ball. That timing thing will get you every time if your not careful. This aside, she was such a blessing to my life. When I was with her it seemed like time stopped. She could walk in the room and I'd light up like a Christmas tree. I was a better person with her in my life. She reminded me of what's most important in this world.-We were better together.
For most couples love is constantly changing as time goes by. My mother told me a number of years ago that after many years of marriage not to expect to have that crazy romantic love you feel for one another early on in a love relationship. I've always thought what a shame that would be. At the same time age has taught me the importance of a strong friendship when your in love. There has got to be a connection between two people that connects their hearts in a way that is timeless. It's fairly clear to me that this is one of the only things that will get you through the tough times. Couples use sex, money, other people to try and keep love alive. Sure, those types of things will work for a while, but you are only fooling yourself. They will not keep you together.
When its right, what's better than love? Is there any feeling in life that can take the place of the joy in your heart that genuine love brings? I don't think so. As convoluted as people sometimes let love become, when our mind, body and spirit are unencumbered and our hearts are emotionally available, there truly is nothing more amazing than being able to say, I Love You.
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